Not just because you’re Lithuanian

(wishing you Seasons Greetings in any language)

Long ago, I wrote an essay about making out with a boy just because he was Lithuanian. (“J.F. Will Never Read This,” Bridges Lithuanian American News Journal. October 2016) The event happened back in the wild days of college, long before apps like Tinder made it simple to find an attractive and willing stranger. What strikes me about the moment is not that it was in any way immoral or loveless — it was, in fact, sweet, clumsy, and charming. But it happened because of an inherent knowledge that because we were both Lithuanian, our parents would approve more of this drunken makeout session than of most of our other drunken makeout sessions.

And why on earth is that?

It makes no sense.

Wouldn’t you think that a wiser/older adult would actually prefer any connections that allowed your child to expand their experience, deeply consider opinions of people that don’t look like them, thoughtfully drink in the stories of childhoods unlike their own, and explore ideals and values from other cultures to see — not where they differ — but where they intersect, where they overlap, and wonder with joy at how the world can become smaller and tighter and get along better together? In other words, wouldn’t it be nice if we looked for the underlying humanity that makes us similar to our partners and not just a list of surface similarities that we already know exist?