And later on the Seventh Day, while everyone else was resting, the deity got back up and created coffee.

To be honest, it was meant an artistic joke. An amusement, like the giraffe and the lanternfish and the Venus fly trap. Something creative and fun, acknowledging the irony in the whole of creation. A sort of… metaphor.

The deity chose unremitting bitterness as the basic flavor, bitterness being the flavor that all human palates must learn to tolerate over time; bitterness is an acquired taste and in nature is generally a warning that something is underripe, unhealthy or poisonous.

This highly amused the deity.

For the color, a deep, opaque, and angry darkness. Everything a human naturally feared, contained in a cup. What could be funnier than creating a beverage with which to relax, whose sole purpose was to create an oasis of calm, peace, contentment and joy, but to use as its building blocks only ingredients that set a human heart racing, scald, increase emotions as well as blood pressure, rev up thoughts and bring heat to the surface of the skin much like a panic attack…?

This was better than the praying mantis or the duck penis.

And the most fun was to insist that this simple beverage tangle the human digestive system, eating away at existing ulcers or causing new…